i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
