Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
