if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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