ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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