guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
