I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
