I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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