Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There r osticjed everywhere
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
