I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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