The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
