Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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