Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
