a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
