The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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