Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
