Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
