I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
