I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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