it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
