so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
