Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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