your parents love me but you hate me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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