Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
