i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
