I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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