In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
