She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
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