do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
