the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
