Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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