is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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