Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
