Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
