apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
