You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
