i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
