Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
