....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
