are you so shy because you have an std?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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