Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
