He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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