I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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