Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
