So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
