Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
