didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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