this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
