everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
