Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
