that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
