Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You may now shotgun with the bride
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
