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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
