if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
