We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
