I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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