My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
