He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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