eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
