i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
