I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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