so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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