I can text with my tongue
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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